Hide and Seek?

Following a discussion with Katherine on Twitter about Hide and Seek I got thinking about the missing episodes we are having here ( The Police). I have spoken to several people about what is happening.

A professional has told me to not look for him when he is missing, as she thinks it is just a game to him. That he always comes back. I am now emotionless when he goes missing, as panicking does no good. Depending what the circumstances are, depends what I do. The incident the other night he had text me to say he was on his way home. I decided to give him an hour.

Another professional has said he is running away. They have said we need to explore what he is running away from. I disagree, he always comes back. We need to explore why he goes missing, why he is encouraged by his peers to leave his bed at 1.30 in the morning, then cry down the phone when he is lost and scared Through the Fog.

The police have said to never hesitate to call them. He is classed as vulnerable. They would not class him as absent any more after An Epilogue?. They are being very supportive now.

The other night he was an hour late in. I was going to give him until midnight, then report him missing. I realised there is a pattern when he gets back. He stands at the front door. He unlocks the door. Then he stands there, waiting. I have to go and open the door. I have, in the past asked why he doesn’t just come in. He then says he is not sure if he is allowed back in. I reply this is his home, of course he is allowed back. Then I offer food of some sort. This time he asked if the police were looking for him, I said not yet, I was going to give him a bit longer.

Then next day he was talking to a friend about the night before, and said I had given up on him, as I hadn’t called the police, as I hadn’t gone looking for him.

Years ago I was at a conference where Louise Bomber (@theyellowkite) was presenting. I asked a question about my lad running off at school. She said we needed to play hide and seek at home, every day. He needs to be reminded to be found, that he is cared about, that he is safe. I need to show him I would look for him.

This is starting to fit into place a bit. He admits he is lost the moment, making wrong choices, hanging out with the wrong people. He knows it is making him unhappy. It is not a conscious decision, he is not actively playing hide and seek, but at 17 he still needs me, no matter how hard he is pushing me away, he needs me to pull him back in, to be his safety net, or as Befuddled Mum always says, I am their scaffolding.

@milkdrunkdiary on Twitter asked what our superpower was, I am a single adoptive Dad of teenagers. I am just in need of some recharging, because I am running on empty at the moment.

Head lice (1)

Thanks for reading and for the supportive comments. Would be really interested to hear people’s views. Anyone else experience this? Any advice?



7 thoughts on “Hide and Seek?

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  1. See it all the time. Missing overnight and I’m supposed to just know where to find him. I agree we always need to look for them or call the police and that’s out strategy here now. They need to know we care enough to look when they need us too x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is a definite need for many of our children to be found by us. It sounds so tough right now for both you and befuddled mum but the love and care will have made a difference and I pray as these boys mature things will ease. Love your blogs you are an incredibly good narrator and the love for your boys shines through. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It may be that even with all the time he has spent as your son he still feels at some point you may reject him the same way as his birth parents did.
    He could be subconsciously behaving the way he does to pre empt this.
    Perhaps it is as befuddledmum says and he is testing to see if you will look for him.

    I hope you find a cause and solution.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Matthew you write with such calmness yet I am sure you are not feeling that at all. I cannot imagine how tough this must be. When my eldest goes out I have a rule that he must text me if he is staying with a friend for the night just so that if I wake and he is not there I have peace of mind. I don’t know how I would cope with this scenario. You are clearly a devoted father and in my humble opinion you cannot do anymore than you already are in reminding him that you are there and you love him and I hope that he will begin to comprehend soon the importance of him communicating with you when he disappears and returning without the intervention of the police. Thanks for joining us again. #TweensTeensBeyond

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You sound like the voice of experience here Matthew and I have no experience, yet, about teens leaving the house in the middle of the night. I do understand what you mean about them pushing you away because they need you to pull them back though. I read something similar the other day about them needing us to be the boundary against which they push. They need us as something to fight against and deep down they want us to reel them back in. Parenting teens can be so complex! Thank you so much for sharing with us at #TweensTeensBeyond

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have learned an awful lot from this Matthew because what you have said here can be applied across all age groups. In fact, I keep on reading it over because there is so much I miss each time. However, what is clear is that you have got this and whilst it may seem like the end is a million miles away, I salute you for everything you are doing to get there. This post will be the one that brings comfort and support to others and we appreciate you sharing with #tweensteensbeyond

    Liked by 1 person

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