Following a discussion with Katherine on Twitter about Hide and Seek I got thinking about the missing episodes we are having here ( The Police). I have spoken to several people about what is happening.
A professional has told me to not look for him when he is missing, as she thinks it is just a game to him. That he always comes back. I am now emotionless when he goes missing, as panicking does no good. Depending what the circumstances are, depends what I do. The incident the other night he had text me to say he was on his way home. I decided to give him an hour.
Another professional has said he is running away. They have said we need to explore what he is running away from. I disagree, he always comes back. We need to explore why he goes missing, why he is encouraged by his peers to leave his bed at 1.30 in the morning, then cry down the phone when he is lost and scared Through the Fog.
The police have said to never hesitate to call them. He is classed as vulnerable. They would not class him as absent any more after An Epilogue?. They are being very supportive now.
The other night he was an hour late in. I was going to give him until midnight, then report him missing. I realised there is a pattern when he gets back. He stands at the front door. He unlocks the door. Then he stands there, waiting. I have to go and open the door. I have, in the past asked why he doesn’t just come in. He then says he is not sure if he is allowed back in. I reply this is his home, of course he is allowed back. Then I offer food of some sort. This time he asked if the police were looking for him, I said not yet, I was going to give him a bit longer.
Then next day he was talking to a friend about the night before, and said I had given up on him, as I hadn’t called the police, as I hadn’t gone looking for him.
Years ago I was at a conference where Louise Bomber (@theyellowkite) was presenting. I asked a question about my lad running off at school. She said we needed to play hide and seek at home, every day. He needs to be reminded to be found, that he is cared about, that he is safe. I need to show him I would look for him.
This is starting to fit into place a bit. He admits he is lost the moment, making wrong choices, hanging out with the wrong people. He knows it is making him unhappy. It is not a conscious decision, he is not actively playing hide and seek, but at 17 he still needs me, no matter how hard he is pushing me away, he needs me to pull him back in, to be his safety net, or as Befuddled Mum always says, I am their scaffolding.
@milkdrunkdiary on Twitter asked what our superpower was, I am a single adoptive Dad of teenagers. I am just in need of some recharging, because I am running on empty at the moment.
Thanks for reading and for the supportive comments. Would be really interested to hear people’s views. Anyone else experience this? Any advice?