Sharing Melt Downs

A colleague at work told me they had thought of me the day before. She asked if we had any meltdowns recently. I asked what she meant. She told me what a melt down was to her, a stroppy out burst; a defiance to an instruction; a refusal to eat tea. She then said our “melt downs” sound horrific, long-lasting and unrelenting. They sound scary and lonely.

We had a melt down this week. Usually it is just one of them, this time it was both. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does happen it is scary and lonely. Years ago, when it happened I called the police. The young rookie policeman arrived and proceeded to give me a lecture on parenting. This weeks involved a lot of aggression, aimed at me and intimidating behaviour. They are taller and stronger than me now, and they know it. Both went in to flashback mode. Re-living their traumatic background. Re-enacting their past. They have blank expressions. You can’t reason with them. You can’t talk logically. You have to hold on. You have to face the storm. It’s scary and lonely.

This meltdown didn’t last too long. Just for four hours or so. I had to block a couple of fists aimed at my face. I had the absolute anger. The looked of hatred. The barrage of utter nastiness.

I have made the conscious decision that this is domestic abuse. I should be open and honest. I have started to tell people. I have told school – they are arranging a meeting of professionals to support us. I have told my family – they continue to be amazing. I share our story with those I can trust, with those who don’t judge, with those who continually love us and respect us. I am a member of several online groups, who provide that collective support and friendship.

Reaching out and sharing helps, it doesn’t feel so scary and lonely

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6 thoughts on “Sharing Melt Downs

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  1. Thank you for sharing you’re difficult story, it will help lots of people, I’m sure. I too have started to feel unsafe around my oldest boy when he’s angry and I worry for when he’s taller than me. It sounds like you have done the right thing and I really hope you all get the support you need. Thanks for sharing on #WASO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes I feel like I can’t wait for the day when my kiddo is bigger – because now when I tell people about him hurting me, trying to kill me, people roll their eyes because he’s seven (but he started trying to kill/hurt me at age five).

    Except when he’s bigger, if he hasn’t healed enough from his past and still gets violent, he’ll REALLY hurt me. And that’s a problem.

    Like

  3. Thanks for sharing this on the #CPVstories linky. It is so scary when you are single-handedly coping (or not coping) with two meltdowns at once. Some advice I’ve had recently is to work with PAS/CAMHS/school/etc to draw up an emergency response plan, which we’re thinking of doing for that kind of eventuality.

    Liked by 1 person

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